Over the last year I have entered myself into (or been entered in) five search process for a new call at a new church. It started in Sept. of 2006 and culminated last week when four out of the five called, or sent a letter, letting me know that they have chosen someone else. (Ok. so there is still one out there, but I haven’t heard from them in weeks, so I’m thinking they have gone in a different direction)…
Ok. Yes, it is true that I felt that none of these churches turned out to be a good fit for me, so the calls were all correct. But can I say that it still stings? It’s really hard to maintain the perspective of call and realize that the Holy Spirit is in here somewhere when the EGO keeps getting in the way. (ie “What’s wrong with me? What did I do/say/not do/ not say???).
In many ways I am relieved. My family does not want to move anywhere. Our daughter is just getting herself established in the world of horses, competing, and all things equestrian. But she is not ready to live on her own and support herself. The stress of it all was causing her to have health problems. Our son has settled nicely into High School with good friends. He has a girl friend and they are going to prom. It’s a little freaky to see your little boy grow up. More so than my daughter, I think? And. Like I said, none of these churches, in the end, felt quite right. Weird.
On paper they all seemed “perfect.” The phone interviews gave me more info. Some were exciting, others a bit more “dull.” The on site visits, here or there, really told the truth.
A friend of mine used the analogy of buying and trying on clothes. You want a new outfit so you go shopping. You bring several items into the fitting room, excited at the possibility. But, when you try them on, nothing fits quite right.
Sadly, small church, where I currently serve, is running out of money. Or to continue the metaphor, it’s getting old and worn out. Yes. I can continue to “wear” it for awhile longer. It’s comfortable and a reasonably good fit. But it will not last forever.
So. I will need to go shopping again. But. I think I need to wait a few days for I start looking.