Ok…the world has not ended….and I’m still breathing

I have said more than one lately that the only way I know how to pray these days is through my breath…or rather…in the act of breathing. I am virtually unable to spend time in silence, which used to be my preferred prayer posture….silent…contemplative.

Now, well, NOW I rarely find prayer in words. I never (almost never) find prayer in silence – BECAUSE – I can’t find the silence…my inner spirit is beyond silence….

So. I settle for breathing.

Yesterday was a dreadful day…but I lived through it. We all lived through it.

I thought I was through the worst of it….but silly me….I should know better.

Last night another parishioner began an emotional bleed-out…I swear I experience something like this about every other week….some parishioner having a melt down about something, usually not life threatening, but well, for that person it feels as though life as it is known is being threatened….

Generally they are about things like implementing new security measures to protect our valuables. Or adding a little something else to the worship service, or at least some of the services….or perhaps two services a year…

I think it has been weeks since I have slept well. Oh sure I might have a night or two but then the bleed-outs begin again and then, no more sleep….

I called the consultant today and shared what has gone on since we spoke last, in early Sept. He is such a great voice of reassurance. It helps me to hear that my leadership is heading in the right direction….this from someone who really knows, really gets it….

Thanks to all of you too for your kind words of support and hope….

So. Even though every muscle feels tight and my neck is all out of wack….The world has not ended. I am still breathing.

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About Terri C Pilarski

I am an Episcopal priest serving a delightfully progressive, interesting, creative congregation. I have been married more than half my life to the same man. We have two grown children, plus two dogs and two cats, although the number of four legged household members changes from time to time. I love to garden, knit, read, and play on Facebook or with my blog. I have been a practitioner of daily meditation since I was nineteen. I practice yoga five days a week and walk every where I am able too.
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10 Responses to Ok…the world has not ended….and I’m still breathing

  1. hey are you thinkin’ their bleed-outs are really issues within themselves and their lives that are morphing out sideways into “complaints” about the church? just a thought…but remember when folks come in and emotionally vomit all over our office and all over us… we don’t have to take that home with us… hard not to do i know.*sigh* breathing is good. very good. keep d oing that.

  2. mompriest says:

    HC – yes, I think much of the bleeding-out is related to other issues and this is just the place it can come out.

  3. Teri says:

    i totally feel the all-i-can-do-is-breathe thing. That’s where I am too. (sigh)((((mompriest))))

  4. Muthah+ says:

    When I get to this point, I do several things at once: 1. Get a massage or do something else that really says “Self-care”. 2. Go talk to someone who can keep confidences (I am an extrovert so I need to talk in order to THINK) 3. Go someplace where I have been able to get quiet before–place in nature, a holy place. 4 try to get away for some retreat time and not expect myself to have some holy expeirence but just to relax.For me the time away helps as long as I can put aside the parish for a while. And I ask God to allow me to be present to all that is holy around me.Mompr, you will be in my prayers this week

  5. Mother Laura says:

    Oh, sorry things have been so challenging both at work and with your son…prayers.

  6. karlajean says:

    prayers,love, support…and deep breaths with you and for you….I am sorry you had such a crummy day.

  7. zorra says:

    I am sorry things are so insane right now. As you already know, sometimes breathing is prayer.Breathing (and praying)with you.(o)

  8. Beach Walkin says:

    Praying for you… ((((o)))… holler if you need to vent.

  9. I’m sorry to read about the ongoing turmoil.But I appreciate the reminder to just keep breathing.

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