Heart Pain


Last night was one of those nights where I thought that everything as I knew it was coming to an end. I continue to be stunned at the amount of intense stuff that keeps hitting the fan in my life. And every bit of it is coming out of the blue and broadsiding me. I never even see it coming.

So after a sleepless night I went to the office to be the “Non-Anxious” presence. And, well, I can do that. I am trained to do that. I lead and guide and hold firm in a gentle and hopefully wise way. But every bit of everything I do feels about has hard as it can be. I trust it will pass.

After work today I went for a massage appointment. I am trying to have consistent massages, at least one every three weeks. I walked in and while talking to the therapist I started to weep. It really doesn’t take much for me to cry, sob even. As soon as I open up the compartment, the one I stuff it in so I can be non-anxious and function, it all pours out. Anyway. I was clearly right where I needed to be.

This massage therapist is truly gifted. She took me to a place of such deep, profound relaxation that deep sighs were pouring out of me uncontrollably. At the end of the treatment she just held my head in one hand with the other on my sternum and breathed with me. Slowly. S.l.o.w.l.y….and I was transported to a deep place within me that just let go.

And then I remembered. For the first time in years. I remembered the feeling of deep deep relaxation, the kind that is directly connected to God.

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About Terri C Pilarski

I am an Episcopal priest serving a delightfully progressive, interesting, creative congregation. I have been married more than half my life to the same man. We have two grown children, plus two dogs and two cats, although the number of four legged household members changes from time to time. I love to garden, knit, read, and play on Facebook or with my blog. I have been a practitioner of daily meditation since I was nineteen. I practice yoga five days a week and walk every where I am able too.
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14 Responses to Heart Pain

  1. Out of the blue…blindsighted…so glad you have a gifted massage therapist to help you “step back” and breathe. ((MomPriest))

  2. imngrace says:

    As you breathe in slowly, know the presence of Christ in this dark valley. “Even though I walk in a dark valley, I am not afraid, for you are with me…” Ps. 23.

  3. I’m so sorry you keep getting hit with so many things.I’m glad you had that massage.((((Mompriest))))

  4. Rev SS says:

    Sorry for the hard stuff … and thankful for the good massage therapist and peaceful outcome. Hoping you can go weekly if the stuff keeps hitting … and praying for your strength.

  5. RevDrKate says:

    Oh yeah, we are there in sisterhood aren’t we? Perhaps a virtual support group is in order….

  6. Songbird says:

    Bless you, mompriest. Thank God for the feeling of connection.

  7. Jiff says:

    Bless you. Bless yor heart. Bless the Spirit’s work in you.Bless you.

  8. Mary Beth says:

    I’m so so sorry to hear it. Glad you are taking care of yourself. Hold on…I’m doing the same here.

  9. zorra says:

    Oh, mompriest.Peace, deep peace to you.

  10. Sherry says:

    Oh dear, so sorry to hear that you are having bad times. My prayers go forth for your peace. Blessings.

  11. what a beautiful gift…….

  12. What a lovely gift for you today.

  13. Jan says:

    I’m so glad you had that massage. Remember that assurance. Peace.

  14. karlajean says:

    the power of body work and touch.prayers and peace and love to you. and breathing….

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