Man-Cave…a totally random reflection

I hear it everywhere: on television commercials and shows, from friends and even from my daughter. Men have, or want to have, “man-caves.” You know, every man wants to have a room he can decorate with posters of sports and beer. A place where he can house his weight lifting gear or running shoes, pool table or tools.   Now, I wonder, when did this phrase, “man-cave” come into every day parlance? Or more to the point, “why” did this phrase come into common use?
When I think of cave I think of Elizabeth George, the mystery writer from England who once played out a story along the caves of coastal England. Or I think of the story in the news some years back and retold by Barbara Kingsolver in “Small Wonder.” She writes
 “On a cool October day in the oak-forested hills of Lorestan province in Iran, a lost child was saved in an inconceivable way.  The news of it came to me as a parable I keep turning over in my mind, a message from some gentler universe than this one.  I carry it like a treasure map while I look for the place where I’ll understand its meaning…..At the mouth of the next cave they enter—the fourth or the hundredth, nobody will know this detail because forever after it will be the first and last—they hear a voice.  Definitely it’s a cry, a child…”
 I think of prehistoric cave paintings and I think of Neanderthal men. 
I don’t know for certain, because I’m not, but if I were a man I think I might find the phrase, “man-cave” a little insulting. As a feminist I find it insulting on behalf of the men I love, who are definitely not “Neanderthals.”  Even the men I don’t like, and I can name a few (Akin the  legitimate rape*cough cough* guy comes to mind along with those who are surely his cohorts – Gingrich, Limbaugh, Rove, Cheney – types)….even these, who come darn close to Neanderthalism, as a feminist I still consider them human beings. And as human they have the intellectual capacity to learn and grow. Really, anything is possible.
So, I think man-cave is an odd phrase. Now let’s be clear. Just as I like to have my own room for study, yoga, and meditation, I think it’s perfectly fine for my husband, or any man, to have a room for the activities that enable them to feel human and enjoy life. I just think it’s weird, even a little insulting to call it a man-cave.
But now that’s off my chest I can get back to thinking about more important subjects…like politics. Or, religion.

About Terri C Pilarski

I am an Episcopal priest serving a delightfully progressive, interesting, creative congregation. I have been married more than half my life to the same man. We have two grown children, plus two dogs and two cats, although the number of four legged household members changes from time to time. I love to garden, knit, read, and play on Facebook or with my blog. I have been a practitioner of daily meditation since I was nineteen. I practice yoga five days a week and walk every where I am able too.
This entry was posted in Mancave, random, savage chickens. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Man-Cave…a totally random reflection

  1. Wendy says:

    I always figured it came from the fact that many of the "Man-Caves" are garages and garages have a cave-like feeling to them. But that may be a California thing where we don't keep our cars in the garages. My poor spouse, who is about as far from Neanderthal as they come and his posters tend to be weird artsy movie posters, has to deal with a garage full of "stuff" from combining households at ages 33 and 38.I'm realizing we really each need "A Room of One's Own." Not sure how to work that out right now, but I may make it a priority this year.

  2. HGTV does have a show called "mom caves"… eek.I prefer to be caveless… clueless… careless?oh goodness I'm tired today. Just tired and uncreative.

  3. Lisa :-] says:

    My man's cave would definitely include a porcelain throne… 😛

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